“My Parents Are Not Making Their ‘Ber’ Any Way Easy” | Counseling
I know that being respectful and obedient to parents is highly emphasized in the Qur’an and in all Islamic Literature. But simply, according to my own opinion of the matter, there needs to be mutual love and tenderness. How would be the case if I am myself deprived of that love and warm feelings- I’m not saying they beat me up whenever we face some disagreement, but what I’m complaining about is lack of understanding.
And this just burdens me and makes me treat others badly, for deep inside I’m convinced that it’d be sheer hypocrisy to treat others nicely while upsetting your own family. But at the same time I’m unable to have or develop a healthy relationship with my parents.
I hope you can help me.
Salamu alikum Brother,
Dear Usama,
I understand your situation. Respect and obedience to parents is highly emphasized in the Qur’an and Islamic teachings, yet it is equally important to experience mutual love and tenderness. Feeling deprived of understanding and warmth at home can be very painful, and it can affect how you interact with others.
Think about life as a series of tests. Some people are tested in their jobs or social life; you are being tested in your family relationships. This is an opportunity to grow wiser, stronger, and more patient. By controlling your reactions and being calm with your parents, you are training yourself to become a better person and to strengthen your bond with Allah.
“God knows us more than we know ourselves, and He loves us more than our own mothers love us.” – Keep this in mind when facing challenges.
Advice:
1. Be honest with your parents, but maintain utmost respect, calmness, and gentleness.
2. Recognize and acknowledge your feelings of anger or frustration without guilt.
3. Communicate politely: “Father/Mother, I want to share something with you, but I worry that you would get angry. I do not mean this as a complaint, but I want to share my feelings. When you do/said X, it makes me feel Y.”
4. Be patient with their reactions. Sometimes their anger is related to past events, not your words.
5. Persist in using a calm, objective, and polite tone. Consistency separates achievers and strengthens character.
Life’s challenges with parents are tests from Allah to help us grow into strong, wise, and patient individuals. Never despair, keep striving, and trust that God guides you toward becoming the best version of yourself.
Wassalaam,
YaseenRocca
The Muslim Tribune Counselor
& the Editorial Team
