"Am I Hypocritical? Please Help!"

I’m a 19- year old Muslim girl living in Netherlands with my family. I’m not a Hijabi, yet I consider myself more on the conservative side. But not accepting the fact that I am different than most of my colleagues and so-called friends puts me in situations where I have to compromise…

Dear Counselor,

Salams,

I tend to hide my conservative nature, which has everything to do with the fact that I come from a conservative Muslim family, and that not in order to please my friends, but because I cannot put up with the feeling that I’m different all the time.

I mean I need to act like normal girls, hang out with them, and stop putting restrictions with whoever deals with me. I just hate being referred to as the “weird” type of girl, which has honestly become my reputation.

I’m not seeking to become popular in anyway, but I really need to feel normal. However whenever I face my dual identity I just feel bad about myself. I don’t want to compromise, and I cannot make them accept my restrictions, and simply cannot adapt to their behaviors and way of living.

Please advice.

Samia.

Answer offered by Dr. Farooq Hassan Ph.D. in Islamic Studies (Usul-ul-Fiqh), University of Karachi Assistant Professor of Islamic Studies and Ethical Behavior in Humanities Department - N.E.D. University of Engineering & Technology, Karachi. 

Assalamu alikum,

Alhamdolillah, I am very happy that you are Muslim and you want to observe hijab for fear of Allah not for the fear of the world with all the difficulties around you and inside you. You should represent a Muslim woman’s identity and feel proud of it because it will beautify you inward and outward. Allah says in the holy Quran,

“O Prophet! Tell your wives and daughters and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when go out): that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving. Most Merciful.”

Muslim women observe Hijab everywhere in the world and perform their duties towards Allah and other human beings effectively and successfully.

Remember that if you do anything seeking Allah’s pleasure, the forces of Allah will help you and protect you from negative feelings and wrong people. It is not easy for you, but if you remain determined, you will earn friends who will respect you. Why should you earn everybody’s respect? Why should you try to please everybody? Remember in modest women’s lives, respect comes before love.

Hijab protects a woman’s modesty and gives her respect. By wearing hijab you are following a way of life. Hijab is a concept of modesty for women. Hijab teaches women to have a modest attitude not only in dress but as a way of life and in dealing with the opposite sex. Modest women do not entice men towards themselves in any way that’s what Allah wants from Muslim women.

By the way, other religions also prescribe hijab. Catholics, the Mormons, the Amish- they all wear headcovers and cover their bodies well.

Don’t react to people’s attitudes. Only weak personalities do that.

It is human psychology that people are different in their likes and dislikes- whatever we wear; some people will like it, others won’t. So we should adopt a way which gives us mental satisfaction.

Also keep in mind that even if you hide anything from your friends; it will be exposed sooner or later, so you better be what you truly are.

Be proactive and do what you believe is right.

When you follow Allah’s Commands the power of Allah fights with you and supports you. But to want to eat the cake and yet have it is an absolute impossibility.

Decide whether you want to please Allah or please the world. The choice is yours! Dr. Farooq Hassan Ph.D. in Islamic Studies (Usul-ul-Fiqh), University of Karachi Assistant Professor of Islamic Studies and Ethical Behavior in Humanities Department - N.E.D. University of Engineering & Technology, Karachi. 

Posted on: September 25, 2011